Daniel Ferrante

It’s an English lesson, it’s a song, it’s BOTH!

Alanis Morissette’s Ironic is an easy lesson. It has irony, metaphor and similes. This is by no means an original idea, but in the waning days of my time here in France, an easy lesson is always welcome.

All my students liked the song. Most of them were familiar with it and sang along. I love it when they sing along.

The lesson went well and they all asked for another song for the next lesson. I think I’ll do Jamie O’Niel’s There is no Arizona.

But, irony was the rule of the week:

Munich in Passing - 2

I received an email last week (supposedly) from Stephanie’s husband. Stephanie, as you’ll remember, is the crazy f’d up German who, though married, invited me to her parent’s home in Munich for Christmas. Of course, I didn’t know she was married until she arrived. Nice.

Her marriage is a shambles, so I did my best to listen and help her sort it all out. When I returned, I sent her an email to thank her for hospitality. She responded, telling me she was going to try to work things out with her husband. I won’t bore you with the details, but some marriages should end - this is one of them.

I was rather pissed at the lies. I decided not to keep contact with her.

Then I got the email (supposedly) from her husband. In it, he essentially thanked me for f’n his wife (I didn’t) and then boasted that now her *ahem* vagina is all his and that I, essentially, lose. Congrats, sir, on “winning” the affections of your unfaithful wife who quite looks like a man. In fact, I’m not so sure you own her vagina. You may just find a cock down there.
As an aside, I have a friend who was marginally unfaithful to her (now) ex-husband. He thought she was cheating on him with me. He was half right. She was cheating on him, just not with me.

The same applies here. Stephanie has been cheating on her husband, just not with me. Of course, as is oddly usual, when someone catches their partner cheating, they get mad at the other person. HELLO!!! Lay your pimp hand down with your partner, not with the other person. They may very well be ignorant of the marriage. BUT YOUR PARTNER CERTAINLY KNEW THAT THE TWO OF YOU ARE MARRIED!! It’s not that hard to figure out.

Anyway, I marked the email as spam, deleted it along with all her contact info.

Have fun in your f’d up marriage, bitch.

One final note on this. I say the email is supposedly from her husband. I can’t imagine how he would have found out about me. Either from Stephanie, her sister or her parnts. There was no one else. And then, how did he get my email address? Did she confess to him about me and then willingly give him my email address? And what is there to confess? Nothing happened - well, other than kissing in Yosemite. So… my theory, she either lied to him and told him we slept together and then let him find my email address, or she’s faking, the email is from her and she’s trying to get me to contact her.

And the main reason I think it’s fake. If he had snooped her emails, he would have read the three or four emails I sent her where I stated I would NOT sleep with her.

I can’t wait to put the Atlantic between her and I.

The Darcy Drunk Re-revisited.

That worthless drunk who enjoys trying to kiss and molest my friends and students broke his guitar. He was on the bus the other day crying about it. Loser.

What gets me is that not only are there apparently NO laws against being drunk in public, people continue to sell booze to God’s only mistake. I go to Monoprix (a sort of miniature Super Walmart) and while the store refuses to sell him anything, he just turns around to the person behind him and has THEM buy it for him.

HELLO!! Do you let child molestor’s babysit your daughter? No! Of course not. Why are your helping this stupid mofo get alcohol?

If only my French were better, I’d make a massive scene about it. As it is, I had to take out my anger at enabling behaviour on a homeless guy in London. I doubt that Red Coat will ever ask someone for “spare change” again.

And spare change? Yeah, I certainly have nothing better to do than GIVE away my money to people who don’t know well enough to quit drinking.

Rugby

Last Sunday we went to a local Irish Pub. We watched a rugby match (Six Nations) between France (the cocks) and the English (the roses).

I had a lot of fun yelling out my insults at the screen:

- Kill him!

- Rip his legs off!

- Fornicate with is wife!

- Burn him! (pounding my fist into my pal like John Cleese in Monty Python and the Holy Grail).

- Take his money! (but that was only used sparingly, as that is really the worst thing you could do to someone).

Some changes I would like to see to rugby:

- Robots. One robot per team, preferrably with lasers and missles.

- Periodically Lions and Christians should be released on the field.

- Someone should win a car at some point.

- You should be able to steal an opposing player’s soul and then sell it to Satan so you can win the game.

- Last, it would be nice if England could actually score a goal against the French.